At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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