I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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