Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
