so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
