Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
