I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
