Is it normal to miss your booty call?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
