I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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