she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
