2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
