There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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