Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize