Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
