you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
