You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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