Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
