I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Drunk is not a location!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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