Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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