1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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