He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
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SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
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Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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