Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
