this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
