Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
