i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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