I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
