it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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