I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
