My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
