She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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