there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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