Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
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Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
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Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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