R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
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My underwear smells like fireworks.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
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no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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