It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
