If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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