It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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