That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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