I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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