found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
