When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
