Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
