pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
