I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
third nipple confirmed
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
