I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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