So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
