I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
