It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
