Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
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she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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