You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
