you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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