It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
