i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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