I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
