This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
