Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
