I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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